Meh, not today thanks....
I wasn't going to say anything.
I really wasn't. I was going to gloss over today like it never happened but I'm a real person and sometimes real people skip the gym and have pizza.
My plan was to go to the gym on my own and then I lost my nerve about going on my own. I know I went by myself the other day and wrote about how amazing it was but today I had a confidence wobble. My anxiety got the better of me as it sometimes does. I overthought about going by myself and what that would be like and stressed myself out. I tried to fight it for a moment, I caught myself as I was trying to squash in a quick session with Kelly before she had to go and study. The thought of dashing home and heading out for a quick session without eating stressed me out. I have a medical thing where if I don't eat and then go somewhere hot or over exert myself I will pass out very easily. It's embarrassing and dangerous and a big source of anxiety for me. So when I found myself between the anxiety of rushing around and potentially passing out and the anxiety of missing a workout and therefore not achieving my goal, I weighed it all up and decided one missed gym day won't ruin my progress. In fact it saved me petrol. That may sound like a small victory but when you feel an anxiety spiral starting, little things like that ease the worry and help break me out of the pattern. Yes parts of that situation feel terrible but here's the little silver lining.
Some people may read that and think 'What is she going on about? You missed one gym day. Get over it.' Well, that's what it's like being an over thinker with anxiety. Even the smallest, inconsequential things can become blown out of proportion and make you feel like you're a failure.
I'm not a failure though. I chose to take a mental health day instead of a physical health day. I'm still trying not to beat myself up about it or stress about the time I could have spent burning off the fat instead of eating pizza. I'm not, I'm letting it go. I did some squats and leg raises at home to ease the guilt a little but other than that I'm not stressing. I'm not running to Kelly for fitness reassurances either. THIS IS FINE.
I'm going back to the gym on Thursday and I will make up for the other days then. Tomorrow I'm seeing my good friend Abi, we don't see each other as much as we used to so it will be nice to hangout. Then Wednesday Kelly, maybe some other friends and I are going to see a movie. I'm busy this week otherwise I would have gone back sooner. See I'm still making excuses, trying to justify my lack of gym to myself. It's no big deal. I'm letting it go. This is me letting it go.
Deep breath.
L xx
P.s find me on Twitter @Laurenailie and let me know on there or here, if you find yourself stressing about things you know you shouldn't give a second thought to. I always wonder if anyone else ruminates to this extent.
My plan was to go to the gym on my own and then I lost my nerve about going on my own. I know I went by myself the other day and wrote about how amazing it was but today I had a confidence wobble. My anxiety got the better of me as it sometimes does. I overthought about going by myself and what that would be like and stressed myself out. I tried to fight it for a moment, I caught myself as I was trying to squash in a quick session with Kelly before she had to go and study. The thought of dashing home and heading out for a quick session without eating stressed me out. I have a medical thing where if I don't eat and then go somewhere hot or over exert myself I will pass out very easily. It's embarrassing and dangerous and a big source of anxiety for me. So when I found myself between the anxiety of rushing around and potentially passing out and the anxiety of missing a workout and therefore not achieving my goal, I weighed it all up and decided one missed gym day won't ruin my progress. In fact it saved me petrol. That may sound like a small victory but when you feel an anxiety spiral starting, little things like that ease the worry and help break me out of the pattern. Yes parts of that situation feel terrible but here's the little silver lining.
Some people may read that and think 'What is she going on about? You missed one gym day. Get over it.' Well, that's what it's like being an over thinker with anxiety. Even the smallest, inconsequential things can become blown out of proportion and make you feel like you're a failure.
I'm not a failure though. I chose to take a mental health day instead of a physical health day. I'm still trying not to beat myself up about it or stress about the time I could have spent burning off the fat instead of eating pizza. I'm not, I'm letting it go. I did some squats and leg raises at home to ease the guilt a little but other than that I'm not stressing. I'm not running to Kelly for fitness reassurances either. THIS IS FINE.
I'm going back to the gym on Thursday and I will make up for the other days then. Tomorrow I'm seeing my good friend Abi, we don't see each other as much as we used to so it will be nice to hangout. Then Wednesday Kelly, maybe some other friends and I are going to see a movie. I'm busy this week otherwise I would have gone back sooner. See I'm still making excuses, trying to justify my lack of gym to myself. It's no big deal. I'm letting it go. This is me letting it go.
Deep breath.
L xx
P.s find me on Twitter @Laurenailie and let me know on there or here, if you find yourself stressing about things you know you shouldn't give a second thought to. I always wonder if anyone else ruminates to this extent.
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