Mental Health Monday - Guest Post, You're Not Alone

Keep reading for the latest Mental Health Monday guest post!

Thank you so much to my guest poster this week! They have asked to stay anonymous which I respect and I hope you guys are as inspired by this person as I am!

Much Love As Always 

L xx

So I wasn’t really sure how to start this, or even what to say at all if I’m honest. Because it’s such an important topic, that must be dealt with carefully and gently. A bit like this post really. But here I go, getting past the anxiety of it and going for it!!!

MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY is a very important thing to me, as I myself suffer with depression, I have done since I was 16 and I am now 25… Still fighting a battle of what feels like the unknown sometimes. Not knowing what gets me down, why I feel like such a … failure? Let down? Mistake? Feeling alone? Like the world would be better without me? Attempting to make that reality too! And no matter who told me they loved me, needed me, were proud of me, I didn’t believe it! Even my family, would tell me every day just how much I meant to them, how much they loved me and would miss me if I was gone. I just didn’t believe it; I would make up things in my head and convince myself they were just saying it. I just felt worthless.

I only accepted bad people in my life, because that’s all I thought I deserved. People who I thought were supposed to love me, I allowed them to abuse me, use me and take advantage of me. Because in my head, it’s what I deserved. I got myself out of a lot of those situations, because family (who I still thought didn’t care) saved me. But I couldn’t see that. I couldn’t understand why people were helping me.

I would always cover up my depression with this super loud, fun, bubbly, out-going personality. As alone and sad I felt inside, on the outside I was the happiest kid on the block. Always there to help others, listen to others, be the life and soul of the party. No one would have noticed how I really felt inside, as I would never let it be visible to others. I’m supposed to be the one people go to for help, not me getting the help. I would block my own issues and life out, and only focus on others. Which I loved, because knowing I made some one else happy, or helped them feel better in themselves, made me feel great! Made me feel helpful, needed, appreciated. Which was amazing! But in all this I was avoiding my own problems. So I decided I needed to start tackling my fears and demons.

Then one day, I really had my sweet escape, from an abusive partner. He turned my world upside down, and at first, I never thought I would recover from it. The fear of him finding me again and me having no choice but to do as he says, or I will be ‘punished’. But I got stronger and braver day by day. Started thinking, I’m okay, I’m fixed. Nothing can hurt me again! But I was wrong. Blocking your problems isn’t a fix, it’s a runaway.  But the problems will still be there.

For years I just plodded on, thinking I was cured. Until one day, recently, I had a BAD day! Didn’t know what to do, where to go. A crowded room, but I felt completely abandoned. I couldn’t breathe, suffocating on my own thoughts and emotions. I turned to my friend at work, who is now a massive part of my life, and just cried. No words, just tears. In saying nothing, he knew exactly how to be there for me and what to say. It was then I knew I found someone who understood me, wouldn’t judge me, who would just listen to me, even if what I said didn’t make sense, he still understood. He helped me. He guided me. Finally, after nearly 8 years of not knowing what to do, I found my cure. TALKING!! He saved me!

With the support I had from my family, my REAL friends and my own determination to get better and be that loud, bubbly, out-going girl I pretended to be, I am getting better. I still have my dark days, but I know how to handle these days now. I know how to prepare myself, and the people around me for when I feel down. Slowly, my bad days are lessening, and my good days are becoming more regular. I’m seeing the beautiful things in life, accepting the kind people in my life (however difficult I find it) I am trying, and that’s what matters. I am trying to get better, I am doing what I need to do, with the support of others. I’m trying new things, facing my fears. Making new friends, that are introducing me to new things. Like 2 of my now best friends, introduced me to Comicon! NEVER did I think I would be at something like that, but my god it was AMAZING! Second one soon to come! Another friend is now taking me wake boarding, which I’m super excited for, because that really will be facing my fear of open water. Others, that just simply show an interest in me, how I am, just talk to me like normal and praise me for things instead of putting me down. That’s all some people need to feel better. So if it wasn’t for the people I have in my life NOW, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and certainly wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. There is no way I can thank them, other than being there for them, which I think they know.

Really, I have found that facing your physical fears makes you much more mind strong to face you emotionally and psychological fears. But all in all, really, you must face these things head on and with every bit of strength you have! Because deep down, only you can convince yourself that you are worth something and you are important. Embrace the fact that it feels like a battle of the unknown, create that positive life and emotion you want. Make it happen!! Be the best you and focus on your goals. Because NOTHING is worth feeling so down about! For every problem, there’s a solution. You just have to find it!!!

So anyone out there who feels alone, know you’re not! You are never alone! You are loved by more people than you think! <3