Sun is out and I'm having a literal 'Good Friday'!

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
I'm feeling good...

The difference a bit of sunshine makes! 😎

This time last year if you told me a heatwave was coming I would have been miserable. Which, considering I live in the UK and we get so much rain, is such a strange reaction to good weather. 

Back then though I was what I affectionately called a 'hecking chonker'. I was a big girl, I carried some extra weight. When you're chunky you feel the heat, you have extra insulation that roasts you from the inside out. It was bad. 

My self esteem was so low though that even when it was boiling out I kept my jumper on. The bingo wings were staying well hidden. I wore a jumper all year round. That and full length trousers, maybe on a good day I wore three quarter lengths. Under no circumstances would I have got my thunder thighs out. Thigh rub is painful. It was all bad. 

I would just sweat and suffer my way through summer. I hid the chubby arms, the wobbly thighs, the muffin tops, the belly over hang, all the bits I hated about myself. I just didn't love my body, I felt disgusting and ugly. 

Last year I made the decision to get fit. Not just skinny but strong. So I started following a home work out, three times a week I would do a 45 min circuit. The first four weeks were just a starter to get you fit enough for the main workouts. The very first session I did I had to lie down for like an hour afterwards. I was so unfit and I did it in the garden in the sun. I thought I was going to throw up and pass out 🤣. Back then gyms weren't for me. I feared what people would say if they saw me sweating it out in public. So I stuck to my home workouts and completed the 6 weeks. At the end of it I had some serious muscle definition in my legs and I'd lost some weight from other areas. Then my life went to shit and I gave up on the exercise. When I stopped working out I also started eating really badly and I undid a lot of the hard work I had put in. This year though I got back on that horse and as I've said before I'm going to the gym. On the days I can't get to the gym or the days I don't feel l like driving I do some kettle bell work at home. 
I'm putting the effort in and my body is shrinking. 

I do have bad days where I look at myself and all I can see is the jiggle I still have. It doesn't matter that it's less than it used to be, it's still there and I hate it. On those days I just don't look at it and wait until the next day where I know I'll feel better. I'm so pleased to be able to say that these moments are getting less frequent. When I have a wobble I just go to bed and have a nap. 👍 Yay adulting.

So right now in the UK, Easter weekend, we have some sunshine going on. Twenty two degree Celsius in April is mad. I still had my jeans and jumpers in my cupboard. The shorts and t-shirts were still packed away. 
So coming full conversational circle, we're about to move into revealing clothes weather and I am ready for it!

I dug out my denim shorts and other summer things. Then I took a risk and did the small clothes test. I decided in would try on some shorts that last time I wore them I could barely do them up. This is a dangerous manoeuvre. We've all been there. You try them on and if they fit you feel amazing. If they don't fit though.... whoa Nelly, it's bad! 
I shuffled into my shorts and I could do them up! I did those bad boys up and there wasn't any over hang! I'm working on my posture at the moment because it's awful and I'm worried I'll get a hunch. So I stood there in my shorts, up straight, and I'm so chuffed with my progress. Go me!

I went out for lunch with my mum, my grandparents, my aunt and cousins. We sat in the sun, I had a burger, it was really nice. I sat there and I wasn't stressing. I wasn't worried that I was going to bump into certain people. That was a big deal ... long time coming. I wasn't worried about sweating through my shirt, or if I had belly rolls as I was sitting. For the first time in a long time I was comfortable in my own skin. I hate to say it but cutting out the junk food and adding in exercise actually works. So that was chill and lovely.

Then I came home and helped move furniture. I've got some muscles now. I was moving shit with very little effort. Thank you Derby and thank you gym. It was a nice realisation. Each day I'm noticing more positive things about myself and my life. It's great and I'm feeling pretty great. Today I went as far as taking a selfie... I'll add it in below as proof. Notice the kitty lurker and excuse the mad hair.

NB. I'm reading through as I edit and I'm starting to dislike this photo. What is with my hair and my skin looks weird. I'm leaving it though. Kicking out that doubt! Those blue/green eyes though...

I've done nothing but chill since. I've drunk 2 cups of tea and now I'm watching Brendon Urie stream on Twitch. The Panic teen in me is chuffed. Whilst wearing pyjama shorts and a sports tank top. Living my best life. I have also eaten 3 of my homemade rice crispie cakes.

It's not been a hugely significant day and I've not done a huge amount of stuff but it's been great! Today I'm feeling very blessed to have made it through the tough times and to this moment. 

Tomorrow is tattoo day and I'm so excited. Getting that Raven added to my sleeve 😁👌

I'm just feeling so good right now. Sharing those happy positive vibes. I hope you all feel good and if you're not at your best then I hope you feel better soon.

All the love and positivity.

L xx

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