I've always been different. Now I'm wondering if I'm an Empath...

Am I crazy?

Maybe, probably. 

I've debated writing this post for a long time. I've planned it and thought about how I'll start and what to say, then been overwhelmed by fear and ended up not doing it. Fear that comes from what people might think of me, what they could say, the humiliation I could bring on myself. 

It's like being a teenager again and being back at school. Worried about standing out in anyway shape or form that might draw negative attention from the mean kids. I spent my teenage years being as invisible as possible. 

I'm working on my confidence and this is something I want to explore. I want to share this and maybe find others who feel the same. So here goes. Big girl pants on!

Even in those early years I felt different. Like I didnt think the same as my peers, I saw things differently, felt things differently. I always felt older than I was. Many years later and I still feel apart from everyone else. I watch people go out their lives, look at my own life, and know that there has to be more to it. I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

I'm searching for my place in the world. 

I'm aware that this will all probably sound pretentious and I'm doing my best to word it better. Stay with me.

I have always felt like I'm destined for a life that is anything but ordinary. Like I have a greater purpose in life. There has to be more! What that is I have no idea and how I get there I have no idea. I'm working on it though and this was my first step to working it out.

This all started very innocently. I was scrolling through pinterest just looking for paint colours when a post caught my eye. It was titled something like '5 signs you're an empath'. I don't tend to read those articles. Most of them are scams and so openly written that they can apply to everyone. I think this one was on my feed because I had pinned things to do with anxiety. This one though, caught my eye and I clicked on it out of curiosity. I'm a very curious human being. 'Why', is my favourite question 😂. I just like to know why things are the way they are, I want to understand and learn.

This article listed things that struck true with me. I can't remember what these ones were exactly but it was like a light came on.

I like to think I'm a spiritual person. I find spirituality fascinating at least. I'm a strong believer as well that all myths and legends must come from somewhere in truth. For so many people to believe the same thing, even if it's in different forms, can't be coincidence. I mention this because I'm about to talk about magic. 

I don't mean magic so much in terms of flying broomsticks and potions. I think of it more as recognising the energy of the universe and being able to channel/ follow it. Being an empath, as I've interpreted, it is about functioning at a higher vibration of energy. Being more sensitive and aware of the things around them. 

Trying to put this all into words is hard. I'm trying not to sound stupid. I'll keep going though.

Everything has its own energy, people, plants, animals, the earth itself, everything.  Empaths are able to recognise these energies, feel them in and around themselves. I believe that these energies can be positive or negative or even neutral. Luck and karma could be energy as well. From what I've read, Empaths are closely linked with intuition. Which when I think about it is just interpreting energy flows in regards to situations and events. 

There is a lot to look into on this topic by the way.

I've found several articles on these things but the one bit that drew my attention was the mention of anxiety. Being so in tune with energy and other people emotions can leave an empath on edge. The bombardment can cause anxiety. This struck home for me and kept me reading. Empaths are also able to take on the emotions of others and this is very draining for them. I've experienced this many times in my life, when someone else is very hyperactive it can be quite exhausting, like the extra energy they have is being drawn straight from me. Or if I'm near someone who is sad I feel my own energy drop. Crowds do something similar as well. They can be overwhelming.

There are many other things I related to but I think I'll leave those for the next posts. I'll go through them and if I connected with that point I'll detail why. I have tonnes more to look into and even if I'm not an empath it's definitely interesting to read. 

I wanted to make a start on this topic though. The first one is always the hardest. I have edited this over and over, but done is better than perfect. I also understand that this is a strange thing to discuss and it isn't for everyone. All i'm saying is that I'm staying open minded, who's to say what's real or not. I always say that as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else you just do you.

Be weird. Be you! 

L xx

Follow me on Twitter @Laurenailie0,  we can be weirdos together! 😊👍