Mental Health Monday- Don't be a doormat.

It's important to stand up for yourself.

I don't mean it's ok to be a dick. That's not ok. What I mean is that it's a good thing to speak up in defense of yourself or things you believe in. 

As long as you're not being a dick about it. Still be a good person.

All my life I've put up with things I probably should have spoken up about. The times I was blamed for talking in class at school when it was the person next to me. When my university lecturer questioned my hypothesis. When a condescending boss tried to bully me. 

I'm not someone who would stand by while someone else is bullied or blamed. You'll always find me defending those I care about or those who can't defend themselves. Yet when it comes to speaking up for myself I stay silent. I don't know if it's an ingrained respect and politeness thing or just an attempt at an easy life. I don't do drama,  I strive for the chilled existence. So I absorb blame and bullying as a way of ending conflict. 

I mention this as this weeks mental health Monday subject as this Monday at work wasn't great. The big boss is always a bully but today my team was every departments target / scape goat for his wrath and our meanest and stupidest customers were out in force. In the past I would have stayed quiet and said nothing as other people blamed mistakes I wasn't responsible for on me. Or accepted the accusations of the customers. Then I would have spent my day very angry, feeling that the world is unfair and out to get me. 

As an attempt at feeling mentally healthy I'm trying to not go with my knee jerk reactions. To not default to internalising my negative emotions. 

This is tricky because at the same time I'm working on letting things go. If it's not detrimental to me, not a big deal, not worth prolonging, then I'm telling myself 'oh well' and not worrying about it. This works for moments such as when I worry about how I accidentally cut someone off when on the phone. So I'm balancing not sweating the small stuff and standing up for myself when it's appropriate. 

This is very important! It's a big a part of feeling good about yourself. Speaking up is a way of knowing that you are worth defending. This is what I learnt through experience today. 

While others in the business were blaming their mistakes on me and my team, I didn't just sit and take it. I spoke up and defended myself. I didn't shout... I didn't sling insults or slander the other person. I calmly gave my side and told my truth as I knew it. 

Immediately I felt better for giving my side instead of stewing in the bitter unfairness. It was also a relief and a surprise when my manager listened and understood. Having someone higher up to give your side when you're not there is a great thing. If they didn't believe me then I would have still been ok. I gave it my best shot and knew I hadn't done anything wrong. In that moment I would have just let it go. There's a calmness in knowing that I would have been ok with either outcome. To be aware that the behaviour of those people didn't effect me.

I will stress that I didn't kick off. I didn't rant and rave or shout. I calmly gave my side and backed it up with proof. It was empowering and I was filled with confidence. 

I guess my point for this week is that speaking up for yourself is important. You're worth defending and you're not anyone's doormat! Have confidence in yourself.

L xx

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