Mental Health Monday #5

Focus on the positive.

I think it's really important to document the good days as well as the bad. 

Right now I'm doing just fine. My job is going well, I've applied for a promotion so that's exciting. This blog is picking up in views which is really, really exciting. I've wanted to blog for a long time but I was worried that no one would read it. 

I'm getting to the gym and I feel like I can see the difference in my body. My thighs and my arms definitely have less jiggle and my muffin tops are deflating.  Looking in the mirror isn't a painful experience as I'm practicing my self kindness (it's still working), photos are more misses than hits but it's a work in progress. I need to build my confidence more so that I'm comfortable when taking photos. I'm just finding a way to keep myself motivated for the gym days, once I'm there it's fine, it's just the getting ready and then the driving bit that puts me off. I'm still lazy at heart. Kelly is right, I need to start going straight from work.

All in all I'm doing just fine. There are areas that I wish had a bit more going on but I can't complain. This brings it's own struggles, while things are just bobbing along nicely my brain tries to create it's own dramas. For example, if someone isn't being that talkative with me then it must mean that they don't like me as much, we're falling out of friendship. So I worry about it and come up with a plan to get back in their good books or I find myself craving reassurance. Asking the people in question if we're 'OK'. Not this time though! I'm really trying hard to rewire my anxious brain. I'm shutting those thoughts down when they pop up by not following that thought trail. If that person is drifting away then I just have to let them go. If it's a true friendship I shouldn't have to chase them. We can be within arms reach but not in each others pockets and that's OK. 

I do find a strange relief in telling myself that it's going to be OK. If it doesn't work out then that's alright. It's not the end of the world, if I don't get the promotion, if a friendship dwindles, if the guy I had my eye on has just got a new girlfriend, if I miss a gym day or I can't make a Derby training. None of it is worth a melt down. I'm stepping back and looking at the bigger picture and it's an interesting view. I still have that guilty knot of worry in my gut, but it's smaller and I can ignore it. I'm training my brain and finding coping mechanisms. Convincing my brain that just because things are going well it doesn't mean it's all going to get taken away. Focusing on the positives daily and counting the good things I have yet to experience. Anything that gets washed away by the stream of life wasn't meant to stick around so learning to let go and keep looking forwards.

One thing I'm looking forward to is Comicon this weekend! I'm nervous about it too, staying in a hotel and sharing a room, even though it's with my friends, stresses me out. That is  my default reaction so each time I catch myself worrying I'm reminding myself that it will be fun! I'm changing my energy from the low rumble of worry that sits in my gut to the high buzz of excitement that I can feel in my chest. I'm getting the practice in while the going is good!

It will be fun. Being amongst other nerds and seeing loads of cool stuff. Hopefully meeting new friends and branching out as a person and gaining more confidence. I need to put the finishing touches on my costume, make a few scuffs and holes and see if I can get the gems I need. Kelly is dying my hair on Thursday, I will be (semi) permanently purple. I quite fancy getting a bit more creative, getting my hands dirty and making something. Busy hands, quiet mind. I'm full of cheesy sayings today but they fit and they're coming out in my brain dump haha. I'm just going to make sure I relax and have fun.In fact I plan on going for a run once I've finished this, I don't fancy a trip to the gym, and then I'm going to get my costume finished up. Try it all on and realise I hate it! 

I'm determined to enjoy myself! This will be the first of many new me good times!

Lxx

P.s you can find me on Twitter @LaurenAilie0 or on Instagram with Kelly @chonker-plonker.