Costume Haul?

Way more complicated than I thought.

So Kelly and I, along with our friend Alex, are going to the London Comicon....I'm so freaking excited! I've wanted to go for so long but didn't think anyone would go with me and I'm too scared to go on my own. If the London version is amazing I might drag them to the big one in America too.

Now I know people dress up for the American one but I'm not 100% sure for the UK one. Either way I don't care, I'm making a costume. 

Poison Ivy is my girl, badass plant lady, absolutely awesome. Sadly I am not at the confidence level required to pull off Poison Ivy to the standard I would like. Virgo perfectionist 🙋‍♀️. Moody, demonic teen however... right up my street. So I'm going for the 2018 version of Raven from Teen Titans. Again not ready in the self esteem situation to with the comic book Raven, so I'm going in the middle and making my own version. Kelly is going as Starfire and Alex as Robin, so if I stand by them you should realise who I am. On the other hand if I get too self conscious I can also move away and just look like an emo teen. Which I am totally cool with. I'll put some images below so you get an idea of what I'm picturing.

Now the tough part. Getting the costume in my head to materialise through my hands. I literally have next to no idea about where to start with this. I've bought the basic clothes. Grey t-shirt, which I might cut down so it's cropped or wide necked, a longline black hoodie. I wanted to do a post apocalyptic style coat but I realised my budget wouldn't cover the cost of a ready made one and my textiles skills weren't up to making one. I've got an old pair of black jeans which I chub rubbed a hole in with my thighs but I couldn't bring myself to throw away. I think where I paid what I consider to be a lot of money for them I can't just throw them out. Which turns out to be great because I can scuff and cut them up without destroying new jeans! Win.

I've only bought a few things so far but I wanted them to be things I could wear again, not money thrown away. Which is why I could allow myself to buy a pair of the sickest boots I've owned. They're not anything special. Chunky heeled, lace up, combat style boots in shiny pleather but I've wanted to embrace my deeply buried badass for a long time. These boots make me feel awesome so I love them. I'll stick a picture of them and the other bits below. I've also bought some sewing stuff just in case I need them. What I really want though is a hot glue gun. I will find an excuse to have one.

All in all I'm super excited about going to con this year, finally. Not looking forward to the train journey in costume but I'm going to embody the emo teen at that point. It's going to be a great exercise in accepting my body and building self esteem. The more I go to the gym I'm really starting to notice how much I compare myself to everyone around me. I can be feeling pretty good and then I'll see a photo of me and notice how big my arms look or I'll stand next to someone slimmer and feel extra big. I think I see myself as bigger than I am anyway. I hope so. I avoid looking at photos because they never reflect how I feel I look. I see myself and feel awful because I thought I looked better, if that makes sense. Another thing I'm learning to do is accept and then love myself. There are bits to work on, I am carrying more weight than my short person frame should, but I need to not pick at the bits I don't like. I need to focus on the positives and notice a positive difference. I need to be kinder to myself. I'm very conscious of always being kind to others but never extend that same level of humanity to myself. I would never bash a person for wearing a costume or an outfit they feel good in, good for them, but why do I fat shame myself? 

Well I'm not anymore. I'm going to be kinder to myself, get the perfectionist in me to chill out. Walking around as Raven will be a start. Have the confidence to pose for pictures with my friends and not feel like The Duff (designated, ugly, fat,  friend) and enjoy myself. To actually smile in photos and not pull a stupid face because then my photo is ugly on purpose so I don't feel down about my face in that photo.

I'm going to borrow Raven's appearance to booster my own confidence then hopefully by the end of the year I'll feel like a super hero all on my own.

I need to sort a few more things for my Raven costume. Her belt, but I might emo it up at bit. Some other jewellery items, I want one of those springy chokers that were cool in the 90's. Then I need to work out how I'm going to dye my hair purple, semi permanent, I'm currently working on washing out my current dye job. Theres There's also make up to sort...  wow I have a lot left to do. I might make a second outfit as well for the second day. We'll see how it goes.

L xx

P.s you can also find me on Twitter @laurenailie0 or on Instagram for more of mine and Kelly's fitness journey. See me in all my sweaty glory.