Mental Health Monday #4

Results!

Last week I talked about being kinder to myself and I promised to try. I spent the week consciously not picking at my own flaws. Instead of focusing on the one blemish that appeared I looked at my skin as a whole and I was pleased to see it was looking overall more even in tone and brighter. I also made an effort to not think negatively about my weight. To not look at the fat I have left to lose but to notice the weight I've lost already and feel good about myself. Seeing the difference in my face, my arms and my hips. It's exciting to see the gym progress and results happening, but I'll come back to that in a minute!

The things above are all on the outside though and I'm not proud of the fact that my self esteem is strongly linked to my appearance. I'm a strong believer that it's what's on the inside that counts. Roald Dahl's book 'The Twits' has always stuck with me. People that were so ugly on the inside that eventually the ugliness showed on the outside. A genuine smile can make people look their most beautiful. 

I'm working on taking my own advice. As I work on the outside I'm also working on the inside, returning to my river. If you're not sure what I'm talking about you need to read last weeks mental health Monday post! ;) Not sweating the small stuff is something I'm definitely working on as well. Not falling down the rabbit hole of rumination when I feel something bad has happened. It could be something as simple as accidentally cutting someone off on a phone call when transferring a call at work. It's an accident but I'll worry that the person will be annoyed with me and will give bad feedback about me to my boss. Like they even give me a second thought. Or did I write the correct thing when dealing with a customer query? Did I make the best decision? Is the meeting my boss has been called to about me? Anxiety can make you quite self absorbed but in a negatively inward way. Instead of thinking you're amazing you think you're terrible.

My point is that I've been putting in maximum effort to not do these things. When I find myself falling down these rabbit holes I stop the thought and let it go. It's liberating not being trapped by my own thoughts. To be back in control again. One of my favourite songs at the minute is by Julia Michaels and it's called Anxiety. There's a line where she sings 'When I feel like I'm losing my mind when I'm doing just fine,' and I think it fits. When I have moments where it all feels chaotic and overwhelming I take stock of my life and actually I'm doing just fine. There is no big catastrophe or problem going on, so actually I'm doing better than fine. I make note of all the good things and I do feel better. So all in all, after a week of positive thinking (positive mental attitude as one of my favourite YouTubers puts it) and being kinder to myself, I am feeling lighter in my emotions and more on top of everything. It's a good place, I like it here.

One point of positive vibes at the moment is my exercise / weight / body image. I'm not where I want to be but I'm making progress towards it and I can see the results. I'm an encouragement by rewards kind of person. Reward me with good results and I'll be excited to do more. So a month and a half into my gym resolution and I feel good. When I first started just walking on the curve treadmill was hard work and I was sweating profusely after a minute. Now I'm running on it and I can feel my abs working as I hold my core tight. Running actually feels good, to feel my muscles working is a good burn. I didn't get gym heads when they said it before and now I understand, there is a good burn. I've been going on my own, Kelly has been busy with her own stuff. I can't be reliant on other people so I'm going on my own and it's fine. It's good thinking time. It's the time I allow myself to think through everything I've got on my mind. I exercise my body and my thoughts. I've even been brave enough to take my own sneaky videos. They're not Kelly level fitness videos but it's my proof that I went! See!

I even stopped and took a selfie in the changing rooms before I went out so I could compare the difference from when I started. I only took one because I lost my nerve when I heard people approaching. One photo is plenty, I honestly didn't expect to see it myself but I was pleasantly surprised. I'll put the past and present shots below

I'm going to keep going with the self kindness, it lifts my spirits and makes me feel better. Keeping a positive attitude isn't always easy or even possible and those moments are ok. I'm going to make sure I have more positive time and create more amazing moments so I can keep track of all the progress, physical, mental and emotional.

In a good place and smashing 2019 so far!!

Lxx

P.s you can also find me on Twitter @LaurenAilie0, I'd love to chat with other people who feel the same. I'm also on Instagram with Kelly @Chonker-Plonker sharing our fitness story.